Poor Unfortunate Soul
by Meepyonnee
Summary: Under no circumstances should anyone make a wager against the devil incarnate, A.K.A. Osamu Yasuhara. -:- Two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Yes, you may sing the song from _'The Little Mermaid'._

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Poor Unfortunate Soul

\- Part One -

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_I never should have made that bet._

The sunset painted Shibuya Psychic Research's quaint office with shades and shadows of an incandescent tinge as they permeated through bland windows. Inside, a lone high school student stood in the middle of the cramped kitchen as she drank her eleventh—or was it the twelfth?—cup of heavily caffeinated black tea. Of the day. The urge to gag arose to her throat, but thankfully, it wasn't volatile enough to make her puke her guts out. In the manner of someone finishing five consecutive shots of strong alcohol, she exhaled loudly when the cup met the counter after she quickly emptied it. She then inhaled, squeezing her eyes tightly shut as she kept herself from jumping out the window and ending it all.

_Ready to give up, Mai?_

She imagined herself dangling from the edge of the cliff above hell, just at the verge of going bonkers. Having strange dreams was one thing, but to hear a vivid embodiment of Yasuhara's jeering in her head was definitely something else.

Although, maybe he really _was_ jeering at her right now.

Paranoid, she threw her head left and right, sweeping her eyes throughout the room's minute expanse to search for her cunning co-worker. The girl regretted it instantly. A flurry of thunderbolts rained upon her skull and she clutched her head as if there was no tomorrow. She groaned as she bit her lip, only a second away from screaming from the top of her lungs. She never ever never should have made that bet, especially because the stakes were ridiculously ridiculous.

The day they made the bet had been a particularly long day at the office. The winter had settled in and they felt as if their butts had turned into icicles as they waited and waited for potential clients to come in. The two tried everything to satiate their boredom. They prank called Takigawa and Ayako, from which they gained nothing but furious squawks and bellows. They texted the word "Wazzup?" to Masako every minute, ultimately getting owned by the celebrity's manager after the fifteenth message. They wrote monstrous love notes to John—to be dumped into his mailbox later that evening. They even snuck into Lin's office while he was having lunch, but he brought his heavily guarded laptop with him, to the duo's dismay.

They cursed the sky's expanse as it teased them, refusing to spit out the moon. There were no files for Mai to tend to, no schoolwork for Yasuhara to fret over and no more SPR members to target. Except for the boss. For that, even Yasuhara knew when and where to draw the line. Crickets sung and tumbleweeds rolled as they had another round of their staring contest. It was then that Naru interrupted their 'acts of stupidity' for the nth time, demanding for a cup of his precious tea.

At one point after noon, between their guffaws from writing gooey nothings for John, they started making bets on what time Naru would ask for tea. It was as if they were guessing which horse would win a race. They each hunted for their own pen and paper and scribbled down particular times. Mai barely got two out of four and Yasuhara got three. They had underestimated Naru's tea-sucking powers though. While they expected that he would ask for only four more cups for the rest of the day, he wanted seven. Seven! All that within the span of just five hours!

Was that the bet she was whole-heartedly regretting now? No, it was the bet they made when their dismissal finally graced them. On their way to the train station, Yasuhara cheekily said, "I bet you can't drink as much tea as Big Boss."

Mai scoffed. "Of course I can't. I'm not an addict like him."

"Ah. Of course," he echoed, his infamous grin curling in place.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, really."

It took the boy only a few more baits until the girl predictably exploded into a prideful mess. She was red from both the cold of the season and from the ire he ignited, so in her clouded state, they agreed on the bet and the ante. She was to drink tea whenever Naru asked for a cup. It was only for a day, and it seemed harmless, so Mai thought that it wasn't such a stupid agreement.

Until now.

"Mai, tea!" Naru called from beyond his cave.

"What?!" She glanced at the wall clock above the kitchen's entrance. "It's only been _nine _minutes since the last one!"

Three erratic heartbeats later, Naru appeared between the door and the jamb, glaring at her with his deep blue eyes. He raised a delicate eyebrow and crossed his arms together in front of his torso. In that stance, it looked like he deemed that words were not needed here. At that, he slammed the door and marched back to his lair. Mai didn't even have the energy to retaliate; she was too busy trying to ignore the waves of pain against her cranium. At this rate, she would have to call this headache not as a migraine, but as a jackhammer running rampant across her cerebrum.

She was helpless and tired, bloating from the volumes of liquid she downed and suffering from a severe nuisance due to the excessive caffeine she wasn't used to ingesting. Actually, she was fine in the beginning. She was only a little hyper from the first three or so cups, but after the fifth, the urge to pee came minute after minute. When the eighth slithered down her throat, nausea consumed her entire being. By the tenth or eleventh or twelfth—she did not care to count anymore—everything meshed together along with the jackhammer.

Crying was never an option for her to take, but the sight of one tea kettle, two tea cups and three spoons of tea leaves gave her so much sorrow and anger—both of which were her top reasons for shedding irrational tears. She was quiet during the whole process of making the brew, only a few teary-eyed hiccups here and there broke the eerie silence. To her, only a few seconds passed when she finished. Couldn't she stall any longer? Couldn't she just put in pepper instead of honey so that the addict wouldn't want damn tea anymore?

A fleeting idea flashed through her mind as she travelled the distance between the kitchen and Naru's office. She thought about bringing her own cup in there so that she could drink it with him, shouting the word, "Kampai!" too, though that might've been as stupid as the bet.

Mai sighed as slowly and as carefully as her throbbing head would allow and heaved her arm up for a duple of disheartened raps to the CEO's door. Not having the patience to wait for an answer, she hobbled in thereafter. The teacup that held the mixture of tealeaves and teawater produced the smell of teafumes as it left her teaserving tray before landing on the teaaddict's dark mahogany desk. All she wanted was to run away from this maddening teaworld.

Naru silently lifted the dark green cup of pure evil, blowing inside the brim as he continued to click away with his computer mouse. Mai suspected that he was just playing _Solitaire_ again to make himself look busy, but she really couldn't care any less; she just wanted to go back home where her soft bed awaited with enticing fluffy pillows. She turned and started for the exit, not bothering to wait for impossible words of gratitude.

"Mai, are you alright?"

_Do my ears deceive me?_ Mai asked herself, incredulity successfully knitting her thin eyebrows together and tying her tongue back. His tone suggested that he did not care for the answer to the question, but this was an outright statement of worry! She knew that he always worried for her before since was often the target during their cases—and maybe because she tripped a lot—though he never voiced it without a lace of insults ready for takeoff…

"Have you knocked yourself on the head again while attempting to open one of the kitchen cabinets?"

The incredulity dutifully sank back to its trenches as her fingers itched to smash the tray to the ground. Mai resisted facing him immediately so that she could conceal her rolling eyes. Without a word, because opening her mouth would conclude to a mess of vomit, she turned her neck halfway to smile a spiteful smile at him. She was not in the mood for his snide remarks. All she was thinking about was a-hundred-and-one ways to kill Osamu Yasuhara .

_Number 17: Strap him inside a roller coaster car using duct tape and make him ride it until he dies of nausea._

She then sauntered back to the kitchen at a dying snail's pace, cradling her poor and abused tummy as she braced for another attack. She kept her head down and her other hand felt through the wall to guide her without the aid of looking ahead. A pink cup full of tea waited for her on a granite counter, taunting her with an aroma that now clung to her so desperately.

_Number 34: Strap him to a chair using duct tape and make him eat endless amounts of mothball cake._

The thought to cheat visited her several times already, but never did she succumb to its comfort. She was an honest person by nature so she could never do such a thing. That, and because Yasuhara planted a camera in the kitchen to ensure that she wouldn't take advantage of his absence.

_Number 58: Strap him to a table using duct tape and tickle him to death via hamster fur._

At last, her dragging feet reached the counter's edge. She stared at the cup long and hard as she gathered the strength to lift it up to her lips. Her entire body trembled at the smell alone. She mentally counted backwards from ten and at the end, she would tilt the cup to let gravity push the tea into her system.

_Number 85: While he's sleeping, strap him to his bed using duct tape and never look back. Hopefully, nobody discovers him as he dies of starvation and dehydration._

At negative sixteen, the cup's rim stayed anchored on her lips, the liquid inside remained untouched. A hint of green akin to a leaf's touched her cheeks, an explosion threatening to escape having one last hurdle to clear. Swallowing even just a single bead of tea would definitely help its breakout.

_Number 101: Strap him inside a small closet using duct tape and make him listen to his most hated song, Barney's 'The Green Grass Grows All Around', again and again until his eardrums explode._

The door opened, halting Mai from her ultimate demise. Her savior was Lin, presumably back from wherever Naru sent him to. Her eyes were on the brink of watering as she got in position to profusely thank the tall man from stopping her, but then he said, "Mai-san, a cup of tea for me, please."

At the mention of the t-word, the dam broke, leaving Lin with a crying mess. The perturbed man could not do anything as the girl forcefully handed him the unmanly pink cup of tea before screaming at the suspicious black camera situated near the corner of the room.

"FINE! YOU WIN!"

She then scampered into the bathroom, where she could cry and pee in peace.

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A/N: Thank you for reading! This was originally going to be a one-shot, but I cut it in half instead because the second part wouldn't get much justice if I left it as it was. Part two will be about Mai's punishment ;) Can you guess what it'll be? And please! Don't act upon any of Mai's murder plans! (Unless you have an abundance of duct tape.)

Btw, have you guys read the new chapters of Akumu no Sumu Ie? *flails* I love Masako's new look~


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I suggest listening to Tennenkyara wa go Aikyou from the Ghost Hunt OST while reading XD_

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Poor Unfortunate Soul

\- Part Two -

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_I am **definitely **going to murder Osamu Yasuhara. The sooner the better. With very violent means. Using Sesame Street puppets if possible. And duct tape. Lots of duct tape._

With poise and with magnificence, snow fell for the first time that winter. A single flake broke away from its flock and glided across a window's expanse, hovering tentatively over the pane as if afraid it would disappear when it touched the wood.

Although clearly hesitant, the fragile snowflake trusted its newfound friend in the end, seeing as it was now sitting upon the pane. Mai thought it was strange for it to be alone; none of its kind followed to where it was resting. Shouldn't its family be accompanying it? Shouldn't there be someone there to comfort it? Perhaps this was why it trusted the windowpane right away, because it had no one else.

She felt sorry for the snowflake. It had been foolish to trust so easily. She knew she was being hypocritical for thinking this since she herself trusted immediately, but the current circumstances had transformed her into a cynical old lady, too bitter and too tired to believe. But she was right anyway; because of its naïvety, the ice crystal vanished from this world forever, melting after living only a few trivial moments.

The part-time investigator mourned its short life, drawing an angel beside it on the fogged glass and praying silently that it would find its way to heaven. She wondered if it was better like this—if it was better that the snowflake knew immediately that even friends couldn't be trusted. Maybe she should follow its lead. Maybe she should kill herself now because of that sneaky Yasuhara and his sneaky plans.

Osamu Yasuhara was truly a cruel young man. How could he do such a thing to a friend who trusted him completely? Could Mai's theory be true after all, that Yasu was the devil in disguise? Surely, a human being would not be this evil… And if he _was_ the devil, was he doing this so he could eat her soul when she died?

"Mai, stop whining and get your ass out here!" the _devil_ called from beyond door of Shibuya Psychic Research's cramped restroom. "We're celebrating Damsel-in-distress day, remember?"

_Cruel,_ Mai thought, still staring at the space where the pitiful snowflake once nested.

"Oh ho ho, Mai Taniyama, have you given up already?" he laughed, his muffled voice laced entirely of wickedness. "You _do_ remember the consequences, right? If you don't come out for the festivities, I might _forget_ not to tell…"

"Evil, evil boy," she breathed. The consequences were even worse than this punishment. She never should have let him persuade her to… to _purchase_ a deepest, darkest secret. Indeed, she was stupid to trust this young man, to be as naïve as the tiny snowflake that didn't know any better.

"Come out already, Mai!" Takigawa yelled from the lounge area, his amusement poorly concealed from his tone. "This couldn't be any worse than the punishment you had when you lost that bet last month!"

Lin's faint grunt was deafening to Mai's ears. Knowing that any small reaction from the stoic man was loud, loud, _loud _when it came to him, her cheeks reddened almost instantly. She slapped herself in an attempt to knock the color off, but the act only made the crimson streak widen.

"I don't even know how you're still alive in there!" Ayako yelled as well, her snickers evident to Mai even through the thick walls. "You should have died of hypothermia twenty minutes ago."

Even if they hadn't somehow cut off the heat in the restroom alone, she should have died long ago—she'd _wanted_ to—but alas, the frilly clothing Yasuhara made her wear was thick enough to ward off the brittle cold. She didn't even know he got his hands on a costume such as this. The jackhammer was sure to attack her head again if she thought too hard about it.

_Yeah, Mai, this couldn't be as bad as last month,_ she told herself, though the encouragement was lost to the winds, slipping out through the infinitesimal cracks in the window frame, frolicking along with the rest of the stupid snowflakes.

Last month's punishment was her ticket to a one-year cruise on the _S.S. Mortification_. Yasuhara had dressed her up yet again in an outfit: _Lin's_ outfit. To top it off, she was ordered to follow the man around and to imitate everything he did. Her hair was even styled in the same way as his. Really, really mortifying. Especially since Lin himself seemed to be enjoying her humiliation.

But this… Her Lin cosplay was nothing, _nothing _compared to _this!_ This was on a whole other level, something out of this world! _No!_ She wouldn't do this. She didn't care anymore if the devil blurted out that she had an _'I love egg'_ tattoo drawn on the small of her back. It was his fault she had it in the first place. If only stupid, inebriated Mai hadn't listened to stupid, stupid, _stupid_ Yasuhara and his manipulative drunken slurs…

"Ma-i~"

_That goddamned devil._

"Hey, Big Boss! Did you know that Mai has a ta—"

A furious slam resounded throughout the office when the restroom's door met the wall adjacent to it. Between the jambs stood an equally livid Mai breathing heavily, hints of murderous intent leaking though her control, all creeping toward the shamelessly beaming Yasuhara. The onlooking members of SPR sucked in their breaths at the sight, some slack-jawed and some holding in laughter. Takigawa, Ayako, John, Masako and Lin had thought they were already immune to those idiots' shenanigans after almost three years together with them, but they all admitted to themselves that Yasuhara had truly outdone himself today.

Mai was clad from head to toe in Baroque clothing. She wore a princely costume of black and white with gold patterns and trimmings polluting the entire thing. The sleeves and the collar had several layers of lace—undoubtedly prickly by the looks of it—and the heeled white shoes she was wearing were pointed, a round hedgehog-like embellishment attached to each one. Instead of the skirt everyone had been expecting to see on her, she wore a pair of wedgie-worthy trousers; the kind most 17th century pompous twats would wear. A dark cashmere cape completed the suit along with a ginormous hat, plus its matching ginormous feather.

"Hey, kid…" Takigawa nudged Yasuhara with a pointed elbow. "Didn't you say that you're celebrating _Damsel_-in-Distress day..?"

"Yes, that is true."

"Then why is she dressed as a prince?" John asked, head tilting to one side.

"Yes, that is true."

"Who is the damsel, then?" Masako inquired, a kimono sleeve stifling her words.

"Yes, that is true."

They all turned to the four-eyed college student simultaneously, glaring and wordlessly cautioning him not to repeat those words. His only response was the broadening of his signature smirk as his glasses flickered with a familiar glint.

"Patience, my children," he said, imitating a newscaster's tone. "You'll know soon enough."

Seconds, then minutes passed in quiet anticipation—well, not _totally_ quiet, what with Lin _tap tap tapping_ on his keyboard. Takigawa and Ayako were the first to tire of waiting, demanding that Yasu be quick with his scheme. He shushed them just as their impatient whining escalated in volume. _Wait for the signal, wait for the signal,_ he insisted.

"Tea, Mai!"

The demand came from the gloomy boss inside his gloomy office. Everyone but Yasu stared at the girl, who was near the boss's office door, nervously scratching at the lace circling her neck. She was usually quick to satiate her ill-tempered employer's tea addiction, but this time she simply stayed put, pouting as she tried to rein in another blush.

_The signal_, they all realized.

With bated breaths, they waited for Naru to storm out the door. He'd be furious and rabid, they were sure. Being tea-less did that to him.

Mai's flimsy heart hammered against her chest to the beat of _prestissimo_ when the sound of familiar muted footsteps befell her ears. If she took action now, she could still make a break for it and run back to the restroom so Naru wouldn't see her like this. And after she changed back to her own clothes, she'd kill Yasuhara with number—

The door opened suddenly and Naru came out, furious as promised. At the same time, in practiced clumsiness, Mai fell to one knee. Her frantic eyes were fixed to a neutral wall, a single bead of sweat rolling down from her temple as she attempted to clear away thoughts of the repercussions to what she was about to do.

Instead, she thought of how lovely it would be if she could still escape. Perhaps it would be possible to outrun Yasu to the door? Maybe, if she wished hard enough, she'd turn invisible. Or, she could just go through with it to honor her loss, then bribe everyone later and demand that they forget all this happened.

Oops. Ooh yeah, it was hard to forget she was a poor college student and the rest of the people here were all probably rich.

_Oh, to hell with it,_ she thought. One hand darted out and grabbed Naru's. In a diminutive flash, she lightly brushed her lips against his fingers.

_"What are y—"_

"I-I am here to s-save you f-from the darkness my… m-my..." She gulped. "P-p-prin-_princess!_"

A moment of unbearable silence broke out. The ticking of a clock became momentous, as were the air conditioning system's creaks and whirs. Her gaze was immobile against the wall, but she could feel a pair of dark blue eyes piercing right through her. She did not count the seconds, though she was sure the hush lasted only four at most, and then _Lin's_ chortles rang at full volume inside SPR's walls, surprising them all; it was their first time hearing him laugh so boisterously. It wasn't long until the rest joined him, the stoic man's mirth infectious.

"Princess?!"

"What bet did you lose this time, Mai?"

"The look on Naru's face—_priceless_! Yasu, did you get that on your camera?"

"Hell yeah! It's even on video!"

Each comment caused Mai's reddened cheeks to darken further, intensifying her need to jump into a grave at this very moment. Their laughter chimed together behind her, but the person in front of her made her even more nervous. She had yet to face Naru's eyes, though she was sure that a stabbing glare was ready to fire.

"Mai," Naru said with a clipped tone.

She whimpered as her eyelids fluttered as rapidly as a hummingbird's wings in flight. A courageous moment seized her and forced her eyes up partially, the sight making her whimper even more. She was still holding Naru's hand.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, letting go of his hand as if a thousand eels had electrocuted her.

Naru's defeated sigh answered her.

"Where's my tea?"

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_\- _Epilogue_ -_

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"Hey, Yasu."

"Yes, my dear dashing princely prince?"

"Let's go buy some duct tape."

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_A/N: Woo. After months and months of sitting on this, I finally got off my lazy butt to conclude the story. Hope I didn't disappoint :)_

_My endless thanks to **archangelBBQ**_ _for your thoughtful input! …Though I'm not sure if you remember since it was so long ago… Nonetheless, be rest assured; you've cured me of my *that that thaaaaaaaat* sickness, hahaha. _

_Thanks for reading, all of you! *hugsss* Tell me your __thoughts! Did it suck? Rock? Did Mai deserve her punishment? (Even though Yasu clearly had the upper hand since the beginning _( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _)_


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